today is a very quiet day. its after three, and the students just finished their lunch break. I'm drinking tea and am about to smoke a cigarette. I'm feeling meloncolly. I've been slowing down, and really enjoying the company here. it's given me a chance to realize how much tension I carry on a daily basis in LA. In particular, I find myself feeling sad because I realize how much of my time isn't spent in a beautiful place, in the company of friendly and open people. life is short and I am so in the habit of being stressed out. I miss out on so much. Sometimes, I become furious that the divine would have wrought such things.
I've really been feeling a sense of cyclicality since being here. When I moved here in 2006 is when Nicole and I started dating. We shared many beautiful things here, and the memories are still fresh, not having been here since then. Being here now, and being single, really gives me the sense that I'm starting a new cycle - just as a very different, almost new person. There are so many beautiful people here, it's really been a joy to relate to them on a deeper level than I would have been able to in the past. Nonetheless, I still have a deep sense of grief for the things I've lost.
This is also the first time I've been here in summer. The other night, a friend and I swam in the river, while a light summer rain fell. The moon was full behind the clouds. Everything, including the water, was black. Only the lightness of our skin shown. Enchanted.
That's all for now. wish me well in my travels.
adieu
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